My fake, strong husband

So I live with my big brother and for some reason it used to be weird for me to admit that. I don’t know why. But, that all changed the day the locksmith came to our house.

Now, I’m a stranger danger kind of person. I will do whatever it takes to make sure I’m safe, even lie.

So this huge guy comes to my house to change all my locks and I’m the only one home, but I know Austin will be home soon. The locksmith was nice enough, but he totally looked like the guy from that Food Network show, Restaurant Impossible.

So he was still pretty intimidating.

I’m acting confident and trying not to show that I’m a little nervous having this huge stranger in my house.

We reach a door that is kind of jammed and is difficult to open. The locksmith is talking to me about possible ways to fix it and then he asks this question.

“Do you have a strong husband?”

Hmmm…

I don’t know why I answered the way I did. It was a combination of self-preservation and just straight up amusement. I was really flattered that this guy thought I was married. So I thought carefully and said,

"yes…

my husband is very strong...”

A harmless lie. I don’t know this guy and will probably never see him again.

But then the small fib grew to a tangled web of lies. I’m pretty sure I volunteered information like where we got married, who attended the ceremony, and what my wedding colors were.

Then the locksmith asked me who helps us fix things around the house. I guess I must have been feeling guilty about my first lie, but wasn’t completely ready to give up my nonexistent husband, because I told a half-truth that threw a wrench in the whole operation.

“Well actually… uh…my big brother comes over sometimes and helps us with stuff like that.”

So apparently in this fake world I was creating, I live with my husband and my brother comes over to fix things.

“It’s ok,” I thought. “He will be gone before Austin gets home, no big deal.”

But then time went on and on and I started to realize, Austin would be home and we would have to start living the lies I’d been telling.

As locksmith guy was fixing a door, I ran to the other side of the house and called Austin. Frantically, I started shouting nonsense at him when he answered.

“Austin! When you get home we are married ok?! We’re married ok?!”

Austin was like, “No, Sarah. No.”

Then I explained my web of lies and he kind of got it. So Austin gets home and we looked like a couple I guess. We were just doing the dishes together and asking about each other’s days.

“Yes, everything’s ok,” I thought.

Then Austin’s girlfriend came over…

So they’re cuddling together on one side of the couch and I’m on the other side trying not to show how much I'm freaking out inside.

Locksmith guy probably didn’t care about the whole thing, but I was really worried about what he was thinking.

Finally, he left and I could relax. That was definitely one of the most stressful and uncomfortable situations of my life.

Now I no longer have a problem saying I live with my big brother.

I live with my big brother, 

not my fake, strong husband.

Oops! Sorry, wrong princess.

Whenever someone asks me "what's your most embarrassing moment?" I can never think of anything good.

But I have one that is kind of my go-to story in that situation. So here it goes. This is not my MOST embarrassing moment, but this one was still pretty uncomfortable.

So way back in the day, my family and I went to Disney World. We were at a buffet-style restaurant in our hotel and my mom told me to keep an eye on my little sister. She's kind of hard to miss with her red, gorgeous, Little Mermaid hair.

But somehow I lost her.

I was running through the crowd of people trying to find her, and then I saw her getting a fountain drink. This didn't really make sense to me because we had already paid for our food and found a table. So like any responsible big sister I went up to her and started yelling at her.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
  WHY ARE YOU GETTING A DRINK?
  DO MOM AND DAD KNOW YOU'RE OVER HERE!?"

She turned around and there stood a pretty little girl with olive skin, dark hair, and big brown eyes. My little sister couldn't have looked more different with her fair skin, red hair, freckles, and blue eyes.

I was so incredibly confused.

The poor girl looked like she was going to cry and I suddenly felt like crying too. The worst part was when I looked up and saw a whole family of tall, dark, and handsome people staring at me like I was the devil.

"Uh… sorry. I thought she was my little sister." And then I ran away.

When I reached my family's table, I saw the whole fair and freckled crew and just couldn't figure out why I had thought that little girl was my sister.

It's been years since this happened and I still can't come up with any reason for my bizarre behavior. I must have just been looking for the wrong Disney princess, I guess. Belle was always my favorite anyway.