Spreading Christmas cheer before Buddy the Elf made it cool.

I don't even remember how we came up with the idea. Somehow my best friends and I just all decided that it would be fun to make elf costumes and wear them to the last day of school before Christmas break. Just a bunch of junior high kids looking to bring some Christmas cheer to our classmates.

(Please ignore the creepy pointing finger... I don't actually remember who it belongs to.)

It was actually kind of fun. I remember feeling really cool when we all walked into the middle school together. Everyone commented on our outfits. It was almost like I was popular. 

It was awesome, as long as we were together...

But when I had a class without a single fellow elf... it was not so great. 

I suddenly went from being this cool, fun, notable girl to being the class weirdo. In those classes I got strange looks and people were like, "Why are you dressed like that? Are you trying to be funny or something?"

"uh...I'm just trying to spread some Christmas cheer..."

But thankfully the day ended on a high note with a Christmas assembly allowing us all to sit together and be the talk of the school. Life was good again and I was kind of popular, for about half a day.

Definitely worth the costume.

My fake, strong husband

So I live with my big brother and for some reason it used to be weird for me to admit that. I don’t know why. But, that all changed the day the locksmith came to our house.

Now, I’m a stranger danger kind of person. I will do whatever it takes to make sure I’m safe, even lie.

So this huge guy comes to my house to change all my locks and I’m the only one home, but I know Austin will be home soon. The locksmith was nice enough, but he totally looked like the guy from that Food Network show, Restaurant Impossible.

So he was still pretty intimidating.

I’m acting confident and trying not to show that I’m a little nervous having this huge stranger in my house.

We reach a door that is kind of jammed and is difficult to open. The locksmith is talking to me about possible ways to fix it and then he asks this question.

“Do you have a strong husband?”

Hmmm…

I don’t know why I answered the way I did. It was a combination of self-preservation and just straight up amusement. I was really flattered that this guy thought I was married. So I thought carefully and said,

"yes…

my husband is very strong...”

A harmless lie. I don’t know this guy and will probably never see him again.

But then the small fib grew to a tangled web of lies. I’m pretty sure I volunteered information like where we got married, who attended the ceremony, and what my wedding colors were.

Then the locksmith asked me who helps us fix things around the house. I guess I must have been feeling guilty about my first lie, but wasn’t completely ready to give up my nonexistent husband, because I told a half-truth that threw a wrench in the whole operation.

“Well actually… uh…my big brother comes over sometimes and helps us with stuff like that.”

So apparently in this fake world I was creating, I live with my husband and my brother comes over to fix things.

“It’s ok,” I thought. “He will be gone before Austin gets home, no big deal.”

But then time went on and on and I started to realize, Austin would be home and we would have to start living the lies I’d been telling.

As locksmith guy was fixing a door, I ran to the other side of the house and called Austin. Frantically, I started shouting nonsense at him when he answered.

“Austin! When you get home we are married ok?! We’re married ok?!”

Austin was like, “No, Sarah. No.”

Then I explained my web of lies and he kind of got it. So Austin gets home and we looked like a couple I guess. We were just doing the dishes together and asking about each other’s days.

“Yes, everything’s ok,” I thought.

Then Austin’s girlfriend came over…

So they’re cuddling together on one side of the couch and I’m on the other side trying not to show how much I'm freaking out inside.

Locksmith guy probably didn’t care about the whole thing, but I was really worried about what he was thinking.

Finally, he left and I could relax. That was definitely one of the most stressful and uncomfortable situations of my life.

Now I no longer have a problem saying I live with my big brother.

I live with my big brother, 

not my fake, strong husband.

Oops! Sorry, wrong princess.

Whenever someone asks me "what's your most embarrassing moment?" I can never think of anything good.

But I have one that is kind of my go-to story in that situation. So here it goes. This is not my MOST embarrassing moment, but this one was still pretty uncomfortable.

So way back in the day, my family and I went to Disney World. We were at a buffet-style restaurant in our hotel and my mom told me to keep an eye on my little sister. She's kind of hard to miss with her red, gorgeous, Little Mermaid hair.

But somehow I lost her.

I was running through the crowd of people trying to find her, and then I saw her getting a fountain drink. This didn't really make sense to me because we had already paid for our food and found a table. So like any responsible big sister I went up to her and started yelling at her.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
  WHY ARE YOU GETTING A DRINK?
  DO MOM AND DAD KNOW YOU'RE OVER HERE!?"

She turned around and there stood a pretty little girl with olive skin, dark hair, and big brown eyes. My little sister couldn't have looked more different with her fair skin, red hair, freckles, and blue eyes.

I was so incredibly confused.

The poor girl looked like she was going to cry and I suddenly felt like crying too. The worst part was when I looked up and saw a whole family of tall, dark, and handsome people staring at me like I was the devil.

"Uh… sorry. I thought she was my little sister." And then I ran away.

When I reached my family's table, I saw the whole fair and freckled crew and just couldn't figure out why I had thought that little girl was my sister.

It's been years since this happened and I still can't come up with any reason for my bizarre behavior. I must have just been looking for the wrong Disney princess, I guess. Belle was always my favorite anyway.

Flirting Tip: never reference Miley Cyrus... ever.

I'm no flirting expert but I'm pretty sure bringing up Miley Cyrus is not the smoothest move ever. Especially when your family is right behind you.

It had been a long day of driving and being out in nature. One of those days when you don't do your hair and only put on the essential makeup (mascara for me, have you ever seen blonde eyelashes?). I'm pretty sure I even skipped the shower that day. So basically I was super hot.

It's late, I'm car sick, my contacts are starting to get all fuzzy, and I can see my frizzy curly hair starting to fall out of it's loose bun thing on top of my head. Yes, crazy lady hair. My favorite.

As my family and I walked into the hotel I saw the guy at the front desk.

Dang it. He's cute.

And I'm super gross.

But then something inside of me lets go of all my inhibitions. I know what it is... fatigue. When I'm tired, I start to act a little loopy. So what do I do? Decide right then and there that I'm going to flirt with this cute front desk guy even though I look scary and my family is right next to me.

The only thing is, I'm not coming up with great flirting material. My jokes are falling flat and I'm just struggling.

Then I see a sign behind the desk that looks like three little toy blocks. I do a double take, move closer, and start laughing.

My family and cute guy look at me and I point to the sign.

Do you see it?

How about now?

I don't know if you're seeing this, but all I see is:

"I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!"

(No, Miley did not wear football pants in her music video. Yes, I did photoshop her.)

Everyone is pretty surprised by my observation and not quite sure what to do with the new information.

I turn to cute guy to say one last thing before we leave.

"Now you are never going to look at that sign the same way again." A smile emerging on my face and a weird sense of accomplishment running through me.

"Nope, I won't," was all he said as he went back to staring directly at his computer and typing on his keyboard. He tried to keep his professional demeanor, but I saw the corner of his mouth curl up in a suppressed smile.

Nailed it.

The day I blew off Kelly Ripa on national television

I was tired, cold, a little grouchy, and not in the mood to talk to Kelly Ripa apparently.

New York City really had been rubbing off on me.

Not only was I already running late to work, but I also didn't want to be out in that insanely freezing "east coast style" blizzard a second longer than I had to be.

It was a very interesting sight. Two guys and a camera all wrapped up under a black tarp thing. But, ever since I'd arrived in NYC I had done everything I could not to look like a tourist. I just figured it was a weather crew getting some b-roll of the blizzard. So I just kept walking down Columbus Avenue with my hot pink umbrella listening to my music.

Then all of the sudden the camera guys start getting closer and closer to my face. I began to panic a little bit inside and was thinking, "What the heck is this camera guy doing? Get out of my face dude." Then I heard the weirdest thing.

"Hey Lady!"

First off, I can't remember the last time I was called "lady" like that. Second, where was this bizarre woman voice coming from? All I see are two camera guys dressed in black, inches from my face. But, I just kept walking.

I was trying to wrap my head around what just happened when I look up at all the tv's inside the ABC building to see live footage of the street I'm walking on. Then it hits me.

Holy crap. I was just on tv.

So I tried to wave back at the camera, but by then my moment of fame had passed.

I walked into my office still stunned and a bit confused. After telling my coworkers about my weird walk to work, they convinced me to go back out there and see if I could talk to the camera guys. The segment was over, but the camera guys were still there. I asked them what happened and one guy just looked right at me and said, "Kelly Ripa was trying to interview you on national television and you just blew her off."

For a while I was really upset that I'd miss my chance to talk to Kelly Ripa. But when I watched this clip for the first time, I actually felt kind of proud of myself. In the words of Michael Strahan:

"That lady's like 'I'm going to work, I'm not worried about you guys."

If you're reading this on your smartphone, you might not be able to watch this clip. Try watching it on a computer, it should work.

Thank You Veterans

Veterans Day

By Cheryl Dyson

On Veterans Day we honor all,

Who answered to a service call.

Soldiers young, and soldiers old,

Fought for freedom, brave and bold.

Some have lived, while others died,

And all of them deserve our pride.

We’re proud of all the soldiers who,

Kept thinking of red, white and blue.

They fought for us and all our rights,

They fought through many days and nights.

And though we may not know each name,

We thank all veterans just the same.

That one time I entered a Win-A-Date contest

I'm as sappy as they come. A total sucker for anything cheesy and romantic. That's why during college, one of my roommates successfully convinced me to enter a Win-A-Date contest on a cute blog called The Anti-Austen. The blog is filled with stories of the modern dating lives of LDS girls told with the style and flare of a Jane Austen novel. Well, it started accepting submissions for this contest and I just couldn't help myself. In the back of my mind I thought, "huh, if I win this and we actually hit it off, that would be a really cute story."

The prize date was with a guest blogger code-named Colonel Paisley. I didn't really know who he was or really even care. I just really wanted to win so I could say that at one point in my life I'd won something that had to do with dating.

For the submission we were asked to answer as many questions as we could from a provided list in the most creative way possible. 

Here are the questions I chose to answer from the list.

• Your name [of course]
• Height
• Left- or right-handed
• Your favorite joke [can be included separate from the poem if it is long]
• A reference to one of your favorite songs, e.g. “but the man there said the music wouldn’t play” [bonus points if you can name the song]
• Your idea of fun
• Favorite genre of movie
• Manliest man you know – in your own life, from movies, from modern culture, wherever. Explain briefly.
• Cats or dogs?
• EDIT: Please also include your age/year in school and location (aka Provo, Orem, etc.)

My roommate answered her questions with a Shakespearean, iambic pentameter ballad. Dang girl. And since I'm not super creative, I just answered the way I was learning how to answer questions at the time…with newspaper articles. 

I did reach the second round which I was really excited about, but then I tripped the finish line. 

Colonel Paisley answered some of the same questions with a super long, impressive poem. Then he added a personal note at the end:

Hi Sarah! You win extra creativity points because of all the incomplete sentences in your newspaper. It aggravated me [in a good way] and severely piqued my curiosity. I wanna know how those sentences end!

Your last question: What sets you apart from everyone else who applied? What qualities do you possess that make you unique?

I hope you had fun applying. I'm guessing you did, since you made a really cool newspaper. Are you a journalism major?

Have a good night! Write back as soon as you can.

Cheers!

Instead of just replying to his email and answering his questions like a normal person, I thought "hey, I'm going to do something creative AGAIN!" I wish I could go back in time to that moment and just be like "reign it in girl, be cool." Oh well.

I replied back with a full press release about how our date went. Yes, it was written in the future. I know, it kills me. I'm not even going to share it because it still makes me uncomfortable. Needless to say he was probably freaked out and that's why I never heard back from him. 

So instead of having a story about how I met my guy through a Win-A-Date contest, I have a story about how I planned out my future with a guy, freaked him out, and he never called me back. Classic. 

My favorite book of all time

I can remember just waiting for my teacher to excuse the class for recess. Foot tapping, fingers fidgeting, and overall squirming. I was like 7 years old, what do you expect?

In my mind I was pleading, "hurry teacher, or someone else will get it first!"

When the word was given and I was set free, I rushed to the library to check out the book. Like THE book. The Sleeping Beauty choose-your-own-adventure book.

It was the most amazing thing I'd ever experienced. A chance to choose how the characters in the book responded to certain challenges they faced and seeing the result of that choice. There was nothing like it at the time.

Nestled in a corner of the playground, other kids played on the monkey bars while I was caught up in a world of fire breathing dragons and handsome princes who always came to save the day. The best part of it all was helping Prince Phillip reach Princess Aurora. I'd frantically turn the pages as I made choices, smile ecstatically when I made the right choice and groan in frustration when I didn't. I'll always remember the cave. I can't remember the exact phrasing, but it was along the lines of:

"On your way to help Prince Phillip, you see a giant, dark cave. To go into the cave turn to page 13, to keep walking on the path turn to page 9."

DON'T EVER GO INTO THAT CAVE. IT'S A TRAP! I made that mistake my first couple of times, but eventually I learned to just keep walking.

Now we're living in a world dominated by screens. I'm not condemning anything because I actually love watching tv shows and movies. I just really hope somewhere and somehow books like this still exist. It really is, to this day, my favorite book of all time.